30. Not having close relationships (Proverbs 18:1-2; Hebrews 10:24-25)

Church would seem like the place where you'd be most spiritually minded and therefore most intentional; but I think often times our spirituality is inwardly focused, and we neglect the needs around us.

For me, I feel this tension between refocusing on God and reaching out to other people.  If all my time and thoughts are spent on others, then Sunday was of no profit to my spiritual refreshment.  On the other hand, I know that it's negligence to only focus on my spiritual growth.  So, where's the balance?

I think it partially depends on your responsibilities whether you're a pastor, Sunday school teacher, or regular laymen.  However, I believe there are some general guidelines that can be used across the board.

The Time for Others
From the time you walk through the doors of your church until the worship leader gets up to start the service, you have time to get into people's lives (the same is true after the service ends).  Prior to coming to church, you should have been preparing your mind for worship, and when you get to church you can then help others have the same mindset.  Intentionally work all your conversations to focus on God.  You have six other days out of the week to talk about other things, but leave Sunday for rest and reflection on God.

Figure out how you can make the most impact whether it's greeting people as they come through the lobby, or sitting down with someone specifically who you discern as being in need of encouragement.  Another thought is to help your pastor if you see him running around trying to get set up for the service.  You want to make sure he has time to prepare spiritually because he has the responsibility of shepherding the whole congregation spiritually.

The Time for God
Once the service starts, that's your time to worship God.  Take every advantage to focus all your thoughts on Him.  Don't be texting, don't be talking to your friends or spouse.  Intentionally block out distractions and use the time to focus on God and evaluating your life.

Special Situations
Occasionally you'll run into "special" situations that merit altering these prescribed methods.  Perhaps you're in church and someone leaves in the middle of the service crying.  Unless a closer friend follows after that person, don't assume someone else will take care of it or stay where you are because it's your "time for God".  Go out and see if you can help and comfort that person.

Another instance might be where you have to confront someone about their sin.  When you have an opportunity, take it.  Don't wait to do it later because you don't want your "spirit of worship ruined". Sin is serious and needs to be dealt with swiftly.  If you wait until after the service, the person might have already left or you'll get hung up with someone else.

One other thing I can think of is the matter of repentance.  If you have wronged someone else, that needs to be taken care of immediately.  So, even if it's in the middle of a message, get up and go talk to that person whether they're in the church or you need to call them.  Don't suppress the conviction of the Holy Spirit!

Controlling Your Thoughts and Emotions
Because I work for the church, I have added responsibility than the average member.  The hardest part of Sunday for me is focusing on the right things at the right times.  It's difficult to sit in the service whether we're singing or listening to preaching and not be thinking about all the things that need to be done and all the people that need to be talked to in that service.

Fight hard!  Don't let those thoughts creep into your mind and take away from your time with God.  The same goes when you have a conversation with someone going through a really hard time.  Don't let their problems become your problems.  An old professor of mine used to say, "Don't let others go on a shopping spree with your emotional credit card."  Trust God to take care of those problems and encourage others with that truth, but don't allow those things to keep you from worship on Sundays.

So that's the short and simple of it.  Does this ring true for you or do you struggle with other things on Sundays?  I'm curious what you've learned and found to be helpful.

As kids we learned in science class that everything is made up of atoms. It's an intricate part of life that exists and forms the world as we know at. The same can be said about decisions. Not a second passes that we aren't making a decision. Whether it's to get up when the alarm goes off, our voice inflection, or how many times we're going to chew before we swallow. Choices consume our lives.

So, when God says to glorify Him in everything we do, it becomes a gigantic task when seen from the above perspective. The big decisions in life are easier because they require more thought, but it's the little decisions that we've conditioned our minds to make predetermined decisions about (habits) that are far more difficult.

I remember as a kid going to a leadership camp where one of the projects was to write down 75 ways that we're selfish.  It was difficult at first, but as I started realizing how many decisions I make in a day, I began to see that most of those decisions did not look at others interests as more important than my own (Phil 2:4).

I still have that list and here's some of the things I wrote down.

1. Not helping unload groceries
2. Not calling someone who I know needs a word of encouragement while I'm driving
   
3. Eating the last of someone's favorite food without asking
4. Having an apathetic attitude when someone asks for help making a decision
5. Not giving someone my full attention
   
6. Leaving a mess on my plate for someone else to clean off
7. Not thanking the person who made dinner
8. Getting a drink without offering to get something for others
9. Being noisy when I get up and others are still sleeping
10. Bringing in the mail but not telling anyone, making them take a trip to the mailbox in vain
11. Letting the TV remote fall behind the cushion
12. Bringing the car home on empty
13. Leaving shoes laying around the house
14. Being a ball-hog in games
15. Not replacing the toilet paper
16. Sitting in my room instead of joining the rest of the family in the evening
17. Hearing of a need and showing sympathy but not praying for it
18. Talking to friends instead of visitors at church
19. Allowing emotions from my personal struggles to affect others
20. Not smiling or speaking up so people can understand me when I'm still waking up
21. Not interacting during Sunday School when I have a question or comment that probably could benefit the whole class

God is constantly revealing areas that I'm selfish in.  What kind of things come to your mind?

Some of us are more creative than others.  Some of you probably could come up with 100 different ways to be intentional, and some of you are probably struggling with 5 ways.  This list is by no means exhaustive, but it will put you on the right track and stimulate some thinking.

It's the little things that make huge differences.  I mean, think about the affects of taking a shower everyday for 10min as opposed to only once a month.  It's a small thing that makes a big difference.  My point is that small habits make transformational differences when applied to our lives.

So, here's my list of 10 simple things you can start doing today to transform the rest of your life.

1. Wake up early and have your devotions early.  The psalmist, David, says "early will I seek You" which doesn't mean we need to have our full devotion time in the morning, but we should be starting our day off with at least some prayer. You'll be amazed by how getting up early you can cut out so many distractions because most people are still asleep and you haven't gotten caught up in the business of the day.  And setting your mind on God first thing usually sets the tone for the rest of the day.
   
2. Limit your social networking.  I doubt Jesus would have been caught spending hours on Facebook or instant messaging everyday because there's an aspect of life-touching-life that can't be met online.  Get off your computer, pick up your phone, and call someone to get together with them.
3. Get into people's lives. Take it upon yourself to find someone every week (the same person or someone different) that you are going to encourage/witness/admonish, go out for coffee with, and in general impact their life with the Gospel.
4. Be hospitable.  Don't wait around for opportunities, be proactive and make opportunities.  Hospitality happens in your home, church, car; anywhere that you serve and show generosity (time, money, emotion) to others. Hospitality looks different for different people but it's commanded in the Bible nonetheless (Rom 12:13; Heb 13:2).
5. Read books.  The Bible says to "study to show yourself approved...rightly handling the truth".  That means we need to constantly be reading, not only the Bible, but other books that expound on truth and help us see practical application of God's Word in our lives.  I look at most Christian books as preaching in written form.  Put a book in your glove compartment, at the side of your bed, and one at work.  Even if you can only fit 5 pages in, there might be a thought in those pages that can really have an affect in your life or help you in your next conversation with someone.
6. Go beyond the surface level. At church, at home, or hanging out wtih friends, try to go beyond the surface level and talk about deeper things that actually matter in the scope of eternity.  It doesn't have to be asking someone how their devotions have been.  It could be as simple as taking someone's comment and reflecting on how it shows God's sovereignty.  That right there has just broken the surface left, delved into the spiritual realm, and exalted God. There's a place for casual conversation, but if your relationship never goes beyond that, there's a problem
   
7. Be a helpful critique at church.  You know how it goes, you get in the car after church and you start critiquing your church "experience".  There's nothing wrong with that, the problem is that you don't do anything about it.  Remember that the pastor is no different than you except that he probably knows more Greek and Hebrew.  He's not superman, and he does overlook things just like we all do.  So, next time you notice something, don't just keep it within the confines of your car.  Go up to your pastor and suggest or offer to help.  You're either going to be warmly accepted and appreciated, or the pastor may explain something to you about the issue you brought up that you had never thought of or had no idea about.
8. Spend time with your family.  God loves a healthy family, and he wants you to love it too.  If you reach the end of your day and realize you haven't spent any quality time with your family, and that rings true for the past week, it's time to make some changes.  You might be sincerely busy with work and trying to put food on the table for your family, but once again a look needs to be taken at things in the scope of eternity.  Full stomachs don't lead people to Christ. There needs to be intentional spiritual influence and involvement.  Here I'm talking to dads, but this applies to moms, brothers, and sisters.  Don't neglect the family!
9. Be consistent and habitual. Christianity is all about relationships--relationships with God and with others.  Always be looking for ways that you can touch someone else's life even with smallest things such as a warm greeting or word of encouragement.  That being said, think about trying to go to the same grocery store at the same time so you can begin building relationships with the cashiers.  Go to the same gas station even if it isn't the best price that day, and pay in the store so you can meet the clerk.  Become a regular at certain restaurant and get to know your server and find out about their life--not just what the special of the day is.
10. Evaluate your intentionality.  "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Cor 10:31).  So, frequently stop and think through what you're doing and see if it can be done more efficiently in a way that brings more glory to God and touches people's lives with the Gospel.
    

The best way to learn how to be more intentional is by other's examples, both reading and watching.  I'd say that roughly one third of what's helped build my philosophy of ministry are the books I've read. There's not one definitive book on being intentional, but different books help shape different areas of our lives (i.e. church, evangelism, discipleship, prayer, family).

If you've read one of the following books or you have a book of your own, it's time to share your thoughts.  Also, if you're ever interested in guest blogging here at Intentional Christianity by writing a book review you can email me at andrewsblogging [at] gmail [dot] com.

Books on Being Intentional

• Tactics by Gregory Koukl
• Prayer by E.M. Bounds
• In His Steps by Charles M. Sheldon
• Gaining Favor with God and Man by William M. Thayer
• The Cross Centered Life by C.J. Mahaney
• Living the Cross Centered Life by C.J. Mahaney
• Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper
• The Radical Reformission by Mark Driscoll
• The New Media Frontier by John Mark Reynolds & Roger Overton
• Preach and Heal by Charles Fielding
• The Deliberate Church by Mark Dever
• The Trellis and the Vine by Colin Marshall and Tony Payne
• Worship Matters by Bob Kauflin
  

This is a relavent topic after the recent devestation from the earthquake in Haiti.  As Christians, this is our opportunity to show the compassion of Jesus Christ to those in Haiti.  Not only is donating being a light to the Haitians, but it's also a testimony to our friends and family.  In our elder's meeting last night, we discussed helping the disaster relief efforts.  We've decided to wait a couple months so that when all the initial funds die off, our contribution will in some ways have more of an impact.

There's plenty of people working down there right now, the best thing you can do is support their efforts financially.  You can find more pictures here, here and here.

Giving Options

• The American Red Cross is one of the most widely known organizations working in Haiti. They accept online donations, help volunteers arrange to give time or other support, and can accept $10 donations, charged to your cellphone bill, by texting HAITI to 90999.
• UNICEF and Doctors Without Borders, two other groups showing up frequently in calls for help, have set up sites for their Haiti efforts.
• Haitian-born musician Wyclef Jean has harnessed Twitter to gather support for his Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund, which also offers $5 text message donations.
• The Daily Beast, a news and opinion blog and aggregator, does a good turn by compiling this list of non-governmental organizations helping in Haiti, with some context on each organization and where your money goes.
• Caroline McCarthy's helpful CNET explainer points to lists compiled by the San Francisco Chronicle, NPR News, and CBS News.

HT: Lifehacker

This is something I've been chewing on for a few months now.  I'll start by asking a question.  Do you ever feel like there's a spiritual block, even when there isn't any indwelling sin and you're spending quality time in the Word each day? That's been the case for me, and I really wanted to figure out why.  So, I started thinking about who I consider to be godly and what is different in their lives from mine.

I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't reading my Bible, being active in church, loving to talk theology, or any other "good" thing that makes a person godly.  Godliness (the living out of holiness) is found in a person's consistency down to the most minuscule thought or action.

Defining Holiness

Holiness is two-sided.  It's a separation from sin and a consecration to God.  In my experience, it's a lot easier to separate from sin (i.e. putting an internet filter on the computer), but consecrating ourselves to God requires so much more effort and the implications are usually more than what we want to deal with.  So, we become lukewarm Christians in this limbo of holiness.

Implications of Holiness

Horatius Bonar says,

Holiness…extends to every part of our persons, fills up our being, spreads over our life, influences everything we are, or do, or think, or speak, or plan, small or great, outward or inward, negative or positive, our loving, our hating, our sorrowing, our rejoicing, our recreations, our business, our friendships, our relationships, our silence, our speech, our reading, our writing, our going out and our coming in - our whole man in every movement of spirit, soul, and body.

Reading your Bible is good, it is the source of knowledge for how to live out holiness; but it is our responsibility to intentionally apply that knowledge to every area of our life.  Do you want to get over that spiritual block?  Holiness is what "gives vitality, purpose, meaning, and direction to daily living" (Thomas Watson).  The problem is that we see a verse like Philippians 4:8 that says whatever is excellent....think on these things or Ephesians 4:29 that says we should only say things that are building up, and we think (subconsciously) to ourselves, "That's a good guideline and it'll be good when I do that sometimes, but if everything I do is excellent or building up, that means I couldn't do or say xyz." And there ends the thought process, and we move on in life because we don't want to accept how much change we'd actually have to make in our lives.

Application of Holiness

"Glorifying God is an intentional pursuit. We don't accidentally drift into holiness; rather, we mature gradually and purposefully, one choice at a time." (Anonymous)

Intentional living is paramount when it comes to holiness. It's taking the Bible literally and radically conforming ourselves to it.  When you start radically conforming to Scripture, it is so revitalizing as you begin to feel a fulfillment in your spiritual life.

Let me warn you, though.  Radical conformity to Scripture does not come without the cost of discipleship.  You must be able in comparison to your love for Christ "hate [your] father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even [your] own life" because you will face opposition from even those closest to you, and you must be ready to sever those relationships for the sake of Christ and your personal holiness.  The Bible says in Luke 14:28, "For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not s first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?"  Don't get all "gong ho" about living holy without first realizing how much it will cost and prayerfully begin to make the needed changes in your life.

Hopefully you're getting the picture here.  I've listed some biblical principles that I hope will help you evaluate your life and see where you stand in your relationship to Christ.

• Compassion - Mark 1:41
• Love - Colossians 3:13
• Unselfishness - Romans 15:3
• Indignation of sin - Matthew 23
• Prayer - Hebrews 5:7
• Speech - Ephesians 4:29, 5:4; Colossians 4:6; James 3
  
• Humility - Philippians 2:5-13
• Media - 1 Corinthians 15:33; Philippians 4:8
  

That list is by no means exhaustive, but now let's hear from you.  What other areas are there? What verses do you use?

If you're new to this site, you might be wondering where I'm coming from and why I use the word "intentional" so much.  I picked out a few articles that are really the driving core of what I'm trying to get at.  To some of you it may seem radical, to some perhaps absurd, and then hopefully to others it will be refreshing.

People have two natural bents.  One tends to be very intellectual while the second is more practical.  That's in every area of life, not just spirituality, but when it comes to Christiandom it's important that we work on creating a balance between conditioning our minds and acting upon our thoughts.

So, in my posts I try to include theological thoughts that are followed by very practical ideas.  Such as:

• 10 Simple Ways to be Intentional
• Holiness: Radical Conformity to Scripture
• Great Books on Being Intentional
• Common Decisions We Miss to be Intentional 
• Intentional Living in Church